32 questions to ask before moving in together

Money (1–8)

1. What will our total monthly housing cost be, all in — rent or mortgage, utilities, internet, insurance, council tax or property tax?
2. How are we splitting it: evenly, proportional to income, or some other way? Say the actual numbers out loud.
3. Whose name goes on the lease or the mortgage, and what does that mean for the other person?
4. Who pays the deposit, and what happens to it if one of us leaves?
5. Are we opening a joint account for shared costs, or is one of us paying and being reimbursed?
6. What counts as a shared expense? Food is obvious. Is a sofa? Is a shared streaming subscription? Is a holiday?
7. What is the largest amount either of us can spend from joint money without checking first?
8. Does either of us have debt, an obligation or a financial commitment the other does not know about?

Decide before moving on: the split, the mechanism, and the number above which you check with each other.

Space and time (9–14)

1. How much time alone does each of us need in a normal week, honestly, not aspirationally?
2. What does each of us do to decompress, and does it need a room?
3. Is there a space in the home that is one person's? Which one?
4. What does a normal weekday evening look like for you — together in the same room, or separately in the same house?
5. Who is a morning person and who is not, and what does that mean for noise at 6am and 11pm?
6. If one of us works from home, what does the other need to know about that?

Decide: who gets what space, and one agreed signal for "I need an hour alone" that is not a mood.

Standards and labour (15–21)

1. What does "clean" mean to each of us? Describe the kitchen at the end of a normal day.
2. How long can a dish sit in the sink before it is a problem?
3. Who does what? Write the actual list — bins, laundry, bathroom, floors, food shopping, cooking, admin.
4. Who currently notices what needs doing? That is a job, and it is usually invisible to whoever is not doing it.
5. Are we hiring anyone to clean, and if so who pays and who books it?
6. What is the one household thing you cannot live with?
7. What is the one you know you are bad at?

Decide: the actual division of tasks, written down, including who notices. Revisit it in a month, because the first version is always wrong.

People (22–27)

1. How often do friends come over, and does that need warning?
2. How long can someone stay before it needs discussing?
3. What about family — how often, how long, and where do they sleep?
4. If one of us has children, or might, what does that mean for this arrangement?
5. Pets: existing ones, wanted ones, allergic-to ones. Who cares for them and who pays vet bills?
6. Are we telling people we live together, and does either of us have a reason to be careful about who knows?

Decide: the notice period for a guest, and the length of stay that requires a conversation.

The exit (28–32)

The group people skip. It is the one that makes the whole thing safer to attempt.

1. If this does not work, who moves out, and how much notice does the other get?
2. What happens to the lease, the deposit and any joint account?
3. Who owns what we buy together? Write down anything over a threshold you both pick.
4. If one of us needs to leave for a reason that is not the relationship — a job, family, health — what happens?
5. How would each of us want to be told that this is not working?

Decide: a notice period, and what happens to shared money and shared things. Put it in a note both of you can find.

Why the exit questions are not pessimistic

Agreeing what happens if it ends is what makes it possible to raise a problem early rather than storing it up. If the only route out is catastrophic, both people have an incentive to pretend everything is fine until it is not — which is exactly how a fixable problem becomes a moving-out problem.

A couple who has agreed a notice period is a couple who can say "this isn't working for me" as a sentence about a dishwasher rather than a threat about a relationship.

After the list

The mistake is treating this as a single evening. Thirty-two questions in one sitting is an interrogation, and the answers you get at question 28 are the answers of someone who wants to stop talking.

Do one group per sitting. Write down what you decide. Look at it again a month after you move in, because the first version of the labour split is always wrong and the useful conversation is the one where you fix it.

That is the shape Nearvo is built around: one question a day, answered separately and then revealed to each other, so neither person anchors on the other's answer, and shared streaks that only advance when both of you show up. Planned at $49.99/year, $9.99/month or $129.99 once — one partner subscribes and both unlock. In development, not released.

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